wish you were here

tel aviv is bomb. i reeeeeeaaaaaaally miss my mom.
currently i'm in jess's room. she's packin cause she be leavin soon.
that will make me sadder than sad. but i shall see her again someday. that'll be rad.
to be continued after i shower.

wow my poetry skills have suffered. in a major way. but now i smell like herbal essences. mmmm.
today was pretty incredible. we went to the port, which was packed with puppies and bicycles and families and little ones eating ice cream and carrying balloons and precious children wearing blue glasses that made me miss chase chazanow more than ever. there's a market there on saturdays with handmade jewelry and art and glass and stuff and we found some really awesome things. then someone sitting eating lunch says, "michELLE?" as i walk by... and i look up to find none other than jen perry's mom. yeah. my freshman/senior year roommate's beautiful mama, who still looks like a teenager, just chillin in israel after arriving from palo alto yesterday. that was random and kind of made my day! and then i ate a burger/massive lunch at agadair. afterward we sat and watched these crazy awesome people playing drums. a ton of little kids were shakin it, and a beautiful tiny little girl was dancing like a gypsy. then one of the drummer boys started making fun of my texan talk and then singled out me out to play the bongo drums for quite the crowd of crowds. he then asked me if i could design his website BUT i don't know flash. too bad. real sad. thennnn jess and i sheiruted it back and passed out from our food coma. then i skyped with mommy, ate tofu and sushi with the oranim crew and then went shopping at 11 pm. and bought a t-shirt at zara with ET on it. and waited in line for almost 15 minutes behind a religious family on a shopping spree for their maybe 12-year-old daughter.

the lines here are ridiculous. if you want to call them "lines" rather than "messes." i'm really not good with those here. if i'm waiting forever and ever, someone usually interferes and starts speaking hebrew super quickly and i'm like HEY i was here first. and if instead of waiting, i try to be the one to interrupt, they're like uh, rega, shnia, i help someone now. AAAAAAANYWAY. people are way nicer in tel aviv than in jerusalem.

tomorrow we're going to play a bit and then  i need to find a place to sit and do some work. then perhaps i'll venture back to jerusalem. maybe. 

i started watching the movie year one. it is fucking brilliant. i am going to have dreams about michael cera now. sweet dreams. while falling asleep to donavon frankenreiter. mwah.

things that make me go hmm (...thingsthatmakemegohmm)

and other things i do not understand:

• the hebrew translation of ladybug (the cow of moshe rabeynu?!)
  
• inconsiderate beings
• why honey is so expensive in the land of milk and honey
  (a regular-sized container of honey costs 44 shekel — that's $11. on a good day!... today it converts to $11.79)
• the abundance of plastic bags distributed to me in the past week (i should keep count.. and the people always look at me like i'm crazy when i tell them todah, aval LO TZRICHA SAKEET!!!)
  
• why i'm most often approached by randoms on the street on the days when i rush out of the apartment without even looking in the mirror
  
• how negative certain people can be... sheeeesh!
• the cuteness factor of puppies
• why coffee bean in israel does not offer the same beverages as in america. i want a double vanilla tea latte thank you!
• why i'm such a perfectionist!!! cause it's makin me caraaazy!

hugs and kisses... latkes and knishes yall.

boker tov, yafo street

today is the third day in a row magically waking up before 7 am. woo.

ring the alarm

once i thought i bought lime juice in israel. it turned out to be lemon juice with mint. um, yech.

once my roommate told me demerara sugar was brown sugar. demerara sugar turned out to be raw, coarse cane sugar. my oatmeal cookies did not taste like mom's.

once, two nights ago, i saw someone in a restaurant packing up food to-go. then she reached in and ate two of the person's french fries. then three more. then i was glad they weren't mine.

once i hated fish. it turns out i don't. especially when it's raw.

once i had a fish. a goldfish named buttercup. but then he died on my 10th birthday before i found out our house was burning down.

once, yesterday, i turned 25 and-a-half. and then i realized technically (though not in any way measurable behaviorally) i am getting kind of old. and then i decided i need to start figuring out what the hell i'm doing here and stop waiting for someone to come around and help me figure myself out. and then i went outside.

once, last night, i went outside. and it was pouring rain. and i had no umbrella. and i had no hoodie. and i was carrying things. and it was pouring. and i was drenched. and i laughed. and no less than seven minutes later, a taxi came to my rescue and saved me from walking the mile home. and the driver, of course, was about my age and had to be the hottest israeli taxi driver to ever exist. and of course he managed to look me in the eye and flash a sympathetic smile before breaking into hysterics as i opened the door and got in, covered in rain. and then i got home. and my roommate asked me if i had taken a shower with my clothes on. and then i looked in the mirror. and then i laughed. and then i touched my curls, watching in the mirror and realizing my 2- and 3-year-old toddler fro is still with me. and that my hair is just longer. diaper upgraded. and my shoes fit.

fresh-baked

m&m cookies. and white-chocolate chip cookies. smells like a sugarheadache! and like deliciousness. i like deliciousness.

last night i went to a shabbat dinner at my friend molly's. there were about 30 people there and i met some really fun new friends. molly's husband made 200 jello shots. no lies. and the precious little one was super happy and the dog is simply AMAZING. i really wanted to take him home with me! there was dessert. and then, i WALKED the 2 miles home. katamon is bumpin on shabbat. who knew?

the dinner was great but i was kind of supposed to be with my cousins so i was thinking about them the whole time. it has been too long!!!

i need earplugs. the roomies are watching something again and it's SUPER loud and i have issues with noise. AAAAAH

BRRRRHRRRRR

why is it so cold in my room? omg. i think my toes have turned into icicles. and i'm wearing socks. and lots of clothes. and my comforter. laaaaammmmaaaaaaaaaa?

my day started out like, absolutely beautifully. i had a missed call from my dad and a new voicemail. and his voice says, "shaalommm. shalom shalom. it's sim shalom? no, it's shabbat shalomtime. yeah. so have fun at the shuk. goodbye."

love.

thursdays are my favorite.

especially when there are yummy pastries waiting for me at my favorite bakery. it's kind of embarrassing. i walk in, and the girl behind the counter (yifat, we are tight, obviously) is like, "guesss whaaatttt? we still have cheese danish today!" and i'm like YES! with a "YUSSSS" hand-motion that she proceeds to imitate. she's great. and she laughs at me and my obsession with the bakery she works at. i start wondering sometimes how i'm not obese after all the deliciousness i've consumed from said bakery. maybe it's the two-mile walkage on a daily basis. maybe it's cause i still can't gain weight. maybe it's cause i'm supposed to double the amount of deliciousness. juuuuust kidding. ugh. that would be sick. speaking of sick, in one of my sophomore english classes, there was this girl who worked at cold stone. and she said this woman used to come in every SINGLE day and it broke her heart cause she watched the woman gain weight. not a few pounds. like, a ton of weight. then one day the woman was like, i'm on this diet plan - do you guys have nutritional information printed anywhere? AH how ridiculously sad.

moving along. i had so much fun with jess in TA! her roommate has already gone home, so i had my own bed and side of the room and everything. slumber partay!! we went to this bar called shivim paelim (70 elephants?) - it's like an underground bar that's trying to be all swanky and cool, and really it's just kind of cigarette/cancer-filled, steamy, schwetty and overpriced. but the decor is nice. and there's SO MUCH wine when you walk in. it's like wine heaven. for winos. i'm not a wino. i'm a wine-bug. at least, that's what my dad calls me.

anyway, i was in TA for a dinner thing at Lillit (AMAZING restaurant that employs troubled teens in the kitchen. pretty awesome. it's really nice - romantic and elegant ambiance and deeeelicious food. (it's kosher, no dairy, which is sad but when there's wine who cares?)... usually pareve desserts make me cringe, but they had these little cookie things sitting on a lemon cream-like substance and they were like lil bites of lemon paradise. i hadn't been to Lillit since the ROI staff dinner on one of the nights of the conference. that night was tremendous. i don't think i've ever laughed so hard in my life. (at dinner, and then again at the ROI partay where Michelle Collins of Vh1 had nearly every person in the room on the floor. then the next day we sat by the pool at the hotel during our 20 minutes of free time and discussed our lives, and men, and in telling her about a certain someone we went over reasons that women go for lame guys. i was like, yeah, he might be an asshole, but he's MY asshole... then we decided someday i shall write a book called "he's my asshole." oh i miss her.)

k so that was a tangent, huh? back to tel aviv. jess and i used our superpowers of persuasion to convince our friend sam to accompany us for the evening's adventure(s). he is great. he's from california. he entertains me online sometimes. and i know his sister from aephi national.. HA!  anyway, after 70 elephants got boring, sam suggested pancakes. omg. amazing pancakes. and the place was stocked with books. like, they had a light in the attic. the only poem i know by heart in that one is about the polar bear in the frigiditydaire! jess and sam were a bit perplexed as to how i knew this and could recite such a thing after intoxication but parkhill speech club, i shall never forget thee.

the sheirut ride back to jtown the next day is another story. it was my first time being surrounded by arabs. i'm not gonna go into it right now. gotta git back to workin. bye bye now ya'll. neshikot!

happy birthday candace!!!

love you. so much.

wow

just got home from meeting my friend mike and his birthright group. the people on his trip were pretty frickin hilarious. hysterical. ridonkulous. wow wow wow. anyway, the bar they went to was the bar my birthright trip took us to. kinda lame. but it was crazy deja vu. like insane actually. some of the girls on his trip were wearing the most ridiculous dresses i might have ever seen.  (wow i feel like that sentence needs a texas accent in order to come across correctly.) anyways, luckily the bar is like, four minutes from my apartment. however, a four-minute walk can bring a lot of things. such as, two american yeshiva boys making seriously crude remarks as i walked by. they probably thought i didn't understand english. but whaddaya know sherlock. i do. pretty gosh darn well actually. what idiots. like, i'm not going to go into what they said. but let's just agree that it was extremely outta line and not okay by any means. i kind of REALLY wanted to turn around and say something back. i almost did. but i am prettttttttttttyyyyyy tipsy, so i don't think it would have been a wise idea cause i might have gotten violent. i'm just pissed cause i had a really fun night other than that four-minute walk home. ugh. americans.  thanks for ruining my night.

ya i don't think americans are worse than israelis (usually). and i thank hashem every day for my ipod so i don't have to hear the things the israelis are saying as i walk by. at least with them i can't really understand what on earth they're trying to say. but these americans. wtf. one was literally walking with a cane and had tape around the middle of his thick black-rimmed glasses. like, you're not cool. you're not funny. you're not attractive. i am guessing his name was probably gunther or something. maybe hershel. or buddy. or mac. or carl. carleton? no i think carleton's far too cool of a name for such a douchebag. i hate douchebags. they're just plain douchey. and usually selfish and lazy and negative and perhaps on the chunky side. except one douchebag i know. he's not chunky. why do people turn into such awful human beings? what's in it for them? HUH!?

ok, my rant is done. i think. i drank too much tuborg this evening. it was only 10 shekels for a massive one, and then i got another one. oops. anyway, i'm just saying, americans should think before they speak. cause sometimes i'm embarrassed to associate with them. i just think our country has a reputation. and i think people should care more about that. i think i should count sheep. in yiddish. how does one count in yiddish?

last night i watched i love you man. i have been debating for the past 24 hours: paul rudd, or jason segal? they're both just so phenomenally genius. i can't decide. there's no way. paul rudd hasn't aged since like, clueless. i want what he's having. unless it's two obnoxious yeshiva boys. then i'd pass. i'm really going to try not to let it get to me and stay one happy, happy grrl :)

whistle while you work

i live eleven floors up. on the eleventh floor. (this makes sense.)

how is it possible that i can hear someone outside, whistling while walking past my building? HUH? once i heard a full conversation by some birthright participants. awful, horrendous new york accents on those girls. i could literally hear them complaining eleven stories up. i don't get it.

in other news, my challah is rising. i almost cut the recipe by half (i have never, ever used so much flour in my LIFE). but i just went ahead and made it all figuring i'll freeze some for next week. i just hope it's good... cause it's too late now. i've never made challah before. i mean maybe we made it in preschool or something. god how i miss solomon schechter academy. or whatever it's called now. i've been telling myself i would make challah for months now. actually maybe longer. and i'm always too exhausted after going out to the shuk on fridays to do it. but today is the day!! i'll let you know how it turns out.

it's so nice and peaceful right now. besides the sounds outside. AH. shabbat shalom chaverim.

sleepyhead

 duh.

today i

felt like i had cabin fever. i stayed at work last night til 10:30. then today my coworkers left me for the second day in a row. good cause i got shit done, sad cause i wasnt invited to their meetings. ya man. i feel bad for me too. so last night. 10:30. then i met my friend rachel for a waffle. of courrrrrse the place was out of apples and cinnamon, and of courrrrsssseeee they only had one banana. so we each got half with banana. the guys that work there were hilarious and super entertaining and taught us a few things in hebrew, like how to say "zipper." (exhilarating no?)... anyway, they thought i was weird because i didn't want my banana-whipped-cream waffle to also have maple syrup on it. and i didn't want maple syrup on my ice cream. not that i ate the ice cream.

i can't believe it's been a year.

so today i left work around 6 pm. and almost went to go eat sushi by myself but came home instead and took the most amazing shower E V E RRRRRR. and nowwwwww i'm craving guadalajara grill in tucson. i want tableside salsa and mariachis to play "la cucaracha" for me while i down salsa, a spinach quesadilla and coronas with LIME. oh limes.  ok time to dry the hair. then work or go out? hmmmmmmmm.

catwoman?

on the way to work, i felt my heart break. like, felt. it. shatter. not because it's the last monday i'll be walking to work *tear* but cause my eyes noticed literally one of the saddest things they have ever seen up-close. ok, i'm not a cat person. i just saw the smallest, skinniest black cat with the most piercing green eyes - not yellow-green, like, kelly green. bright kelly green. our eyes met. now, the skinniness alone was enough to make people stare. almost everyone walking by glanced at this poor little thing. the cat was not a kitten, but i don't think she was an adult-cat, either. she was probably in the middle, like a teenager but in cat form. regardless of age, she was a tiny little skeleton. anyway, i look closer, and the poor little thing can barely walk, because her back left leg is deformed. it almost looked as though she was wearing a boot, a cast iron boot that she could barely lift. i was horrified and started looking around my bag to see if i had cereal, a cracker, anything to feed her. but all i had was a massive container of yogurt. i of course was running late to work because i just don't do mornings. but it was ok, cause when i got to work, nobody was in yet, either. ha. anyways, i put out a little bit of strawberry yogurt and i hope she ate it. i will never forget that little face or that boney little frame. i hate starting the day with a broken heart. ugh.

to promote breast cancer awareness, there's this popularity in posting what color bra you're wearing as your facebook status. it's kinda funny cause guys have gotten into it, too. sometimes they wear green bras. sometimes translucent. sometimes invisible. sometimes commando. i was thinking i should jump in today with my status as red-and-black leopard print.  no one would be able to guess. HA.

ok so for lunch today (man i talk about food a lot) i ate nachos. ONLY because the tortillas i bought expired in NOVEMBER. not ok. like, why is there expired food on the shelf? jesus. hubert. christ. i wanna go to the beach. wanna come?!



HAPPY BIRTHDAY E-LAINE! i love you. to the moon and back. and beyond. 

so cute

for real!!!!!!
in other news, i have so much work to do. i got zero minutes of sleep AAAAAAND it's already almost 9, and i have more to do. this is a bummer. i wanna go out and play!

it's not oh-ten. it's twenty ten. two-thousand ten. if you will.

i will. em... yes... i was quite a hungry hippo. starvin marvin. but then i ate brie for dinner. is that normal? i'm a bit distraught. this week is going to be bigtime crazy and super emotional. i'm actually really nervous about making it through the week alive. chellllp. i wish i had brett and elaine and emily and emily and MOM. duh. and even dad, too. :P

the other night was a massive 10-year anniversary celebration for birthright... i mean it was fun, buttttttt all three people i wanted to bring had other plans. tear. however, an awesome texan named eli wound up being my date. and she's hotter than the ones who declined- especially cause i got to dress her in my clothes... hahah. she totally pulled off a black velvet dress, cardigan and plaid scarf with grunge pants and green converse. she called her look "mismatched barbie" but i came up with another label that i currently cannot remember. regardless, the only alcohol on site was sangria. hot, boiling sangria. i don't drink red wine in fear of migraines, but i REALLY needed a drink (mingling with billionaires makes me nervous)... luckily i did not get a migraine. the night turned out to be really fun, even though later on i was burned by an explosive coal sitting atop a hookah and wound up misbehaving (oops). the next morning, i went to fruit bar and ate the most delicious frozen yogurt ever. then headed back here to have lunch with ben, jon and danielle. UM, yum. this place by my apt. is quite delicious. and i'm supposed to help translate the menu/design the menu this week!? WOO! anyway, i wish danielle would come back, i kind of miss her already. i miss rachel too. i seriously need some girl friends.

ok there is far too much work to be done to be writing nonsense or complaining right now. although i'd like to watch a movie or go outside and play/drink/meet up with some people who are having fun while i'm in my room on my computer. BUT work hard, play hard? i need a hugggggggg.

shabbat shalom ya'll

i miss cappuccino every second of the day. i heart lemonade. i need to clean my room. i'm cold. i need to recycle the 1,000 bottles laying around the apartment. my roommate is crazy.  tomorrow might be tel aviv day? i want to go to the beach. now. right now. i'm yawning. it's 10 pm. what. the. fuck. ok i'm going to call people to see if they'll hang out with me...... orrrrrrrrrrr i shall work work work til the sun comes up. yar. ps  im fwozen. and full. i think people who lie about things just to make you feel better kind of suck. hardcore. it's just not nice or necessary. i am so much happier here. im gonna miss this place more than i thought. kisses.

wow.

sad. crazy. exciting. WHAT!

hoookayyy. whoa.

so it finally hit me tonight. i was working late, and around 8:30 pm i realized i haven't stayed this late by myself at the office since i got here and had nowhere to go. nowhere to stay. no home to call my own. i was extremely delirious because i have not slept for even a moment since saturday morning around 11 am, which was after the powernap from being woken up at 9, when i hadn't gone to sleep until 4:30 am. i'm really delirious. did i say that already? so i was looking around the office, thinking, how is it january? how is next week the last week i'll even be able to come to that office and stay there til g-d knows when all by myself. what am i gonna do with my life?

i kept working and tried not to get sad or distraught or bitter... and then i found a new website. see i was looking for a certain image to use, and i finally found what i wanted, and kept clicking around. and i found a website that advertises job openings in custom invitation companies, for greeting card designers, etc. that was really exciting. then i ate cereal and strawberries that miraculously had not yet molded. now it's bedtime. night night in the big city..... 

asdf

jkl;

frazzlepost

YO! so this one's gonna be a little jumbled becauuuuuse that's how i'm feelin as of late. sorry bout that. so i'm actually not going to be writing about everything as of yet but i'll get to it. ok here are the main points.

a. it's gonna be 2010. what the F U C K.
b. i am making snickerdoodles but have no cream of tartar, which sucks cause they're gonna taste different than usual.
c.  i just went to the most random store. i thought it was a drugstore. i needed hairspray. went in to get some and it's like, half drugstore half grocery that sells towels, undies and socks and the most random stuff ever. i walked out with yogurt, flour, hairspray and milk. ???
d. i hate when people in line touch your stuff. that's not ok.
e. i have so much to do i wanna cry.
f. my job is supposed to end on jan. 14th. WHAT.
g. i have so much to do i wanna cry.
h