coulda been

yesterday i played a CD in my car.. one that i'd made right when i got back from israel. it's got allllll the favorite songs from the playlist i'd listen to on my walks to and from work (and everywhere in between)... literally i hear these songs and i see the surroundings in rechavia, the beautiful flowers and the old man sitting outside (the one with the 2 year old DAUGHTER)... i see the sky starting to turn from cotton candy clouds to a dark shade of blue and i can hear my shoes stepping on the sidewalk and feel myself looking around at the shops and the people and the babies and the cats as i'm crossing the streets.... then another song will come on and i'll see the pavement on yafo street on a friday, and smell the pastries and hear the chatter and the clatter and the honking and see it all.

while i was there, i knew i'd miss it. but this much?


ya.

i haven't stopped playing the CD, which i probably haven't listened to since May.
tomorrow I will have been back in the states for exactly one year.
my life has changed drastically since march 24, 2010.

the apartment, the job, the boyfriend, the little smushy baby girl, the losing my little capcap, the fading of relationships, the start of new relationships.... to name a few. if i could've fast-forwarded a year ago, i don't think i would have believed it.

that's the beauty of life. you can be whatever you want (if you're lucky) - and make positive changes that strengthen the positivity in your life. and i am the luckiest girl in the world.

this morning i wished and wished i could open my eyes and be back on yafo street at my apartment.

a few hours later, i read there was a terrorist attack in jerusalem. a bus bombing. on yafo street. 15 minutes walking from my apartment.

there hasn't been a bus bombing since 2004.

why today? why now? why them? why jerusalem?

so unnecessary.